She has found a boyfriend. Why not me?

How to dealing with jealousy. A short guide.

As you go out of your apartment, you hear your neighbor. She’s laughing and you feel a pang of jealousy:  You know that her new boyfriend is in her place. And you say:

“Why her and not me?”

You think that life is unfair. After all, you are a sweet person, aren’t you? You deserve to be happy, to be loved.

Is that too much asking?

This article is a guide about how to deal with jealousy.  You probably have felt it at least once in your life.  This post will explain to you that you do not have to feel guilty about that feeling. For sure, you will have to do something about it: you will have to use it to have a better understanding of what’s going on.

And at this very moment, you will start to feel better.

So the bottom line is that you don’t have to get rid of anything. You will just have to understand something very important: what your jealousy wants to say to you.

But what exactly?

 

 

Just like a big 6D movie

What? A 6D movie?

Think about this: a regular movie is boring compared to your life.  I’ll prove it to you…

Your life is just like a super-sophisticated movie. You can break down any situation that you experience in six different kinds of sensations.

• What you see
• What you hear
• What you touch
• What you smell
• What you taste
• What you feel inside.

All those sensations will have more or less a meaning for you.  Those meanings will create other feeling inside of you. They will help you perceive even more

Let’s take that scene, for instance.

You have just met somebody at the bus stop you take to go to your job.  A short flirty talk but nothing more.  But it was a fun experience. A week later, it happens that this cute man is your new colleague at your office.  My gosh! You’re about to explode. But he must not see it, you know… You do not want to spoil your chances by being too obvious.

Right?

All that experience is full packed with sensations, meanings and symbols (your job is a symbol saying: “here, you must work. This is not the time for pleasure”.

Now that scene is important.

It’s a 6D representation of what you think.

 

 

Your personal movie. It all about what you think.

Here I will give you a personal example so you can understand that very old idea. I will share with you an experience that has nothing to do with jealousy. But all to do with love.

The love I have for my mother.

Two year ago my mom had a heart attack. It was the third. She finally died. I still can see me crying near her dead body.

What does that scene mean?

Well I can still hear her singing Christian songs with her very light, beautiful voice (she was very religious and always hoped that I would one day come back to church). Man, I’m missing that voice. Mom was a though lady but soft-spoken.

We used to talk about hockey all the time, about our favorite team and players. I’m still missing those discussions.

I just loved to hold her in my arms.

So what is that entire crying scene represents? It’s an echo of what I think of her, how I felt when she was alive.  When I think about it, I’m a bit sad but I’m smiling:

“Wow. That scene means: I love you mom. I feel that you are still here, not far”.

Are you following me?

 

 

That jealousy movie scene

That’s what a personal experience is all about.  In my case, I have always known that I loved my mother. That scene showed me how much. It showed me the quality of that love. That experience has created some feelings that I still have today (for instance, I still feel that she is not that far from me).

Now let’s go back to that jealousy movie scene.

You feel awful because you are jealous. You think that you should be happy for your neighbor. Hey! She’s your friend.

But you can’t.

So you feel guilty.

Now let’s break down that experience

• Who hears the neighbor laughing? You.
• Who heard her talking about her new boyfriend?  It’s you.
• You feel that jealousy inside.
• You are asking  ‘why her and not me’
• You have probably lost your appetite.

The more you think about this, the more you will realize that there is message here: your experience is an echo of what you want, what you think: you crave for a man to love. You want to be loved. You want a boyfriend. You think that you will be so happy with your soon-to-be husband holding your hand.

You want it so bad. The jealousy is pinching you to make sure that you will not miss the point here.

Remind that all that scene, all that experience is yours: your super sophisticated movie to help you realize what you want.

 

 

Do I really need that?

Now you may have noticed that I do not condemn the feeling of jealousy. It doesn’t mean that I approve any act of jealousy or violence.

Not at all.

But this feeling is a tool if you decide to use it. We all keep saying to ourselves (and to everybody else) what we want. But to feel it is something else: you live your situation to the fullest and you have a better understanding of what going on. Once you get it, you feel like you are getting your tank full of energy.

You will even start to act on your problem without here thinking about it.

See jealousy as a super movie of how you think and feel and, suddenly, that feeling will start to leave you alone.

Why?

Because you understand that there is no injustice. Nobody is against you.  Life is on your side.

What you experience is yours; All yours.

I know that this little guide is a bit different of what you heard or read before. Do not hesitate to read it again. Start to observe your strong emotions, your experiences.

Do you have something to say about jealousy? Please share your thoughts below, in the comment section.

Now go and find your amazing man!

 

Love

XXXX

 

P.S. As I write that short guide, Michael Franks is singing the song Jealousy on the radio. Coincidence? I do not think so!

I used to be mellow
‘Til you got a hold of me
Now I feel like Othello – dying of jealousy

 

Michael Franks- Jealousy.

 

 

Love

Jo Fontaine