Tell me what you want
You know what? Knowing what you want is the best way to find the man. Well, maybe I should say knowing how you want it. We are going to talk about that aspect of your desire today. And when you talk about desire, you talk about motivation, the “why do you want that”?
Try to picture yourself. You are on vacation. You are very excited about something that you are very passionate about. Look how fast do you jump out of bed in the morning! Maybe you couldn’t sleep at all. It doesn’t matter: you are too excited about the plan for the day. You have so much motivation what you could give some to somebody else.
Anyway, what is motivation exactly? It seems that it fallow your state of mind. You are in a great mood and you decide to do something. Then you feel the motivation to do even more. It’s like a boost of energy that you feel flowing in your veins.
Sure technique like visualisation helps a lot. But like motivation doesn’t come before the action. You always have to make a first step…
” A journey of a thousand miles begins with a first step”– Laozi
Yeah, but what if you don’t feel like walking at all? How about the lack of motivation? Well it’s a kind of sadness, a kind of fear. Usually, it’s a mix of both. Let’s way that you have reached your last goal: talking to 10 men in a speed dating event. What will be the next step? What will happen? Hum…
Or maybe you are afraid of failure. What if this man is not interested? What if I get hurt? What if he doesn’t respond at all?
Do you feel that you have no motivation? It may be because there’s some fear or sadness somewhere in your heart. To know all about your fears you will have to find what type of person you are. You will have to discover if you part of the team “If want this” team or if you are an “I don’t want this” team member! Here’s a story to help you understand about those two groups.
I will not give his real name. Let’s call him Dan, OK?
So, Dan is 36 years old. But when he was 17 years old, he was a real thug. He was a Hang Around like people say in the streets. He was working for the bikers, breaking legs and jaws, making sure that those who owed his boss some money pay the interest in full.
I still have problems to believe this. What? But everybody loves Dan. He’s the sweetest man I’ve ever seen.
I know that he had a serious problem with drugs back then. Like he once said to me: “I’ve tried everything”. So, here I ask him:
“Dan, I’ve heard that quitting drugs is a read nightmare. How can you stay motivated to continue to fight? What is the ultimate motivation? How can you win that war?”
He takes another sip of his beer and says calmly:
“You will win the war when you are fed up.”
It’s so easy to read my face. I bet that he knows that I will ask another question…
“Well, Dan. How about all those people who go back on the same road again? They are sick and tired of that crap too…”
He shakes his head:
“They are not sick enough of it”.
Even today, 3 years later, I’m still a bit choked by this answer. But there’s some “street wisdom” here. You will stay motivated to do something if:
- You absolutely want something
- You are totally sick and tired of something
No wrong answer!
Think about it. In the first case, you are looking for a man because you want to have a family. You want to hold your child in your arms, to love him. Just thinking about if makes you feel great. You just want that life.
The second situation is something like this: you are sick and tired to be alone. Maybe you feel that time is running by. Soon you will not be able to give birth anymore (at least, you are afraid of that possibility). You don’t want to find yourself in that situation. So, in either case, you start to look for a man.
Now, there is no right or wrong. Both reasons are valid. It’s just important to know what reasons drives you. Since your type of motivation is based on your values and your personality, your strategy should go along with the tendencies you have: the ones that start with “I don’t want that” or the ones that say: “it would be so fantastic; I want this”.
Want this, don’t want that
“There are no big problems. There are only a lot of little problems” Henry Ford.
So let’s take again a look of what team you are in. You already know that the first one is composed of people how want to avoid things. If you are a part of that team, you try to find a way to stop something painful. For instance:
- You don’t want to have your heart broken. So you are carefully looking to the behavior of a man to see if he’s the right guy before accepting an invitation.
- You do not want a man that is not looking for a serious relationship.
Do you feel that you are a part of the “I want that” team? Well, lady, it means that you are more looking for pleasures:
- Looking for a man who would like to go to the museum and talk about arts with you.
- Looking a great father. Because you know that having a family is so precious and wonderful.
You have noticed it, right? Both sides are looking for a kind of satisfaction. That’s the reason why there is no good or bad way to think about your existence. Here, there are only different approaches to create the life that you want.
Now take your list of characteristic that your man should have (I’m pretty sure you have one; written or in your head). Take each point that you have in your list and try to remember in what kind of state of mind you have written those qualities. Your man should be respectful? Excellent! But maybe it’s because you are sick and tired of dating jerks. Or maybe that, deep inside, you think that a man who treat his girlfriend with respect is sexy.
Be honest with yourself.
In a future article, I will talk about what kind of strategy you can use depending on the team you are art of (you already have a lot to think about).
Do you have any question? Any comments? Don’t be shy and share them with us!
Now you know that the first step to love is to know yourself.
Go and find your amazing man!