The number one fear
What exactly makes a man running away every time he hears about marriage? How to make a man want to marry you? Well you already know deep in your heart the reason. He seems to be jealous of his freedom. But the feeling is way stronger than that: He’s afraid to lose it.
See Andrew. He’s drinking a beer in a bar, alone. He thinks about one of his best friends, Justin. Just a few months after he got married, things started to change. He slowly stopped to see his friends. Now, it seems that even his motorcycle is for sale.
Justin is selling is bike?!!!
No doubt, for Andrew. Justin is doing time, now. He doesn’t even own his house. The only room he has left is the garage. For now.
Here’s the thought that pops in Andrews’ mind.
It resounds in every part of his body:
“I will never find myself in that kind of situation. I will not get in jail. Hell, no!”
This is the fear that will be your obstacle if you want your man to marry you. What can you do? Well to start, know that you can’t fight that feeling in an open battle. Do that and you will lose the war. What you can do, though, is to create a certain kind of mood that will melt away that fear. One of the best ways to do that is to give your man a certain sense of freedom. Soon or later, it will pay!
Space can be a good thing
What? Freedom* Why would he need freedom? Doesn’t he love me? I’m pretty sure he does. But in your love story, there may be something frightening for your man. It’s like someone behind the scene is whispering:
“What if you lose yourself? You will have no identity. You will be totally remodeled, with no space to breathe.”
If that fear is there, why not using it to get what you want? You know, just like judo. You will use your opponent’s weight against itself. Realize that space can be a good thing for your couple and you will open unsuspected doors to your couple. You will be happy of the new quality of your relationship. Here’s why:
Space builds sexual tension
You already know how you feel when you missed your loved one. I remember when I was working at night in a Big hardware store. Gosh! I missed my lady. You don’t have to stay away for a month. Only haft a day can be enough sometimes. Do your things and let him think about you. Let him create some sexy movies in his head with you as the main star. Girl, watch all the sparks flying all around the next time you will see each other!
“Ohh baby, I’m hot just like an oven” – Sexual Healing (Marvin Gaye)
Helps the other relationships outside the couple.
Do you have sometime the feeling that you do not see your friends as much you would like? Give yourself some time to see your best friends. Let your man know that, for you, friendship is important in someone’s life: he shouldn’t stop seeing his best buddies. At first, there a good chance that he will be a bit surprised. Like he doesn’t believe his hears. For a reason or another, this is not what most men expect a woman to say (in fact maybe he will think that it’s a kind of trap, a game you play). But very soon, he will realize how different you are. That’s a good point for you.
If your boyfriend feels that he still can hang around with his friends without getting some heat the next time he will see you, he will start to make this connection in his head:
“Hum… Being with her is not like being in jail”.
Help you to reconnect with your desires
This point is a bit like the first one. When you miss a bit someone you love, you just remember why that person is dear to you. Of course, here, I say a bit. You already have someone who loves you. You do not want to suffer for no reason, right? Do not stay apart for too long, guys. As you do your things, his image will pop to your mind. Believe me, the same will happen to him if he’s in love. Thinking about you will create such a wonderful feeling inside that, sometimes, he will smile. This sensation is awesome! This is something that men are craving for (OK this is a secret that we keep because we like to act like we are tough- you know what I mean).
Encourage him in his projects
Now here is a great technique to create some space and, at the same time, will help you to get closer to him at the same time. Yes, there is a way to create some mental space; you can use that idea as much as you want to. All you have to do is to encourage him in his projects. I already shared with you how my girlfriend used that technique on me (read the article how to get a man to fall in love with you). Soon I realized that it wouldn’t be the last that she intended to use it. Here’s what happened.
After a few dates, she realized that music was not my only passion. I love martial arts (man, I need to train a little bit more…). One of my dreams was to find a place where I could learn Jeet Kune Do. It is not easy to find a JKD dojo. A dojo is a place where you learn and practice a martial art. Most of the schools of this style, created by Bruce Lee, were in California. Now I don’t know how she did, it but she found a place where I could learn this martial art. All I had to do is to take the bus for only 30 minutes!
“What?!!”, I said.
I was amazed. First, I still don’t remember when I talked about martial arts with her… We were always talking about music, movies, stand up comics… Maybe she asked one of my friends…
I was totally seduced. One of my dreams was realized. Thanks to her.
How can I ever feel in jail with her?
This flame inside of me. I ‘m hearing secret harmonies– A kind of Magic- Queen
Do your own things
But how about me, you ask? Will he be on my side, help me to pursue my dreams, or at least encourage me? Well I can’t give an answer to your question. The only thing I can say is this: If he loves you, you will show you in one way or in another that he’s on your side. He will let you know that he cares about you.
Now if he doesn’t, ask yourself this question:
Have I you made the right choice?
Just be careful. Maybe he has no idea of how he can help you pursue your dream. Maybe he doesn’t know that this project is that important for you. (Yeah, men can be that dumb sometimes… If you don’t say it clearly, we have no clue…)
Bottom line, think twice before you make a fast decision.
For your part, just continue to practice your passion. Go see your friends. The best way to give your man his sense of freedom is to enjoy your own space. Then go back in his arms.
Do you have any comments, any questions? Don’t be shy and share what you think in the little box below.
Now, passionate woman, go. And have a fantastic life!