Here is Anna. She’s rolling her eyes and sits on my couch.
“Why is that so difficult to find a quality man”, she asks.
Woah! What do you want me to answer to that question? For a moment I just stay there, silent: a man of experience knows when he has to keep his mouth shut…
Here what happens. Anna is not a top model; but she’s kind a cute. Like I said in the article How to find the perfect mate being cute is more than enough to attract men. So this is not her problem.
“I don’t know why but the men I date are always dull. Or they seem to have no idea of where they are going. I just want to find a man who has a little ambition, a dream. Someone I can see myself with to start a family…”
Can you see yourself in Anna? If you do, maybe you are making the same mistakes Anna does. In this article, we will talk about those faux pas and how you can correct them. So here we go, lady!
Problem #1: fear to be alone
That one is a classic. Realize now how fear can ruin your love life. I understand that you are sick and tired to be alone. You see more and more people around you get married having babies and you start to feel like a complete loser. So maybe you react this way: you do your best to date more. You try go to every singles party event in your city.
Or maybe you have this reaction: you completely stop dating.
In her article 5 Reasons why you keep attracting the wrong men, the author (call her by her little name: Manalitta) says that nothing can hurt you more than a needy attitude. She’s right. Take a hard look at the way you behave.
One sign you are too needy is that you assist to so many events for singles that you start to neglect your friends. You can’t see your best friend this Saturday: there’s a speed dating event at 8 Pm. Most quality men have a kind of 6th sense: the sense that let them spot women who are too needy for their taste. They want to stay out of trouble.
Another sign is that you keep dating men who at do not respect you: they are always late; they say comments about your clothes, your makeup or on anything just to lower you.
Now, I have something very important to tell you: most quality men have a kind of 6th sense: they can spot needy women in a second. When it happens, they run away: they want to stay out of trouble.
The solution is to go and have fun with your friends and your family. You are not losing your time. Think about it this way: you are recharging your batteries. Go get that energy that will charm the next sweet man you will meet.
Lady, get rid of that fear to be alone. It’s not good for you and it’s not good for the good man you will meet. Sometimes you will even hear a little voice in your head that says: “I need a break”. Listen to that voice. To stop dating for a moment may be the right decision to take (but a moment).
Problem #2 you do not exactly know what you want.
One of the reasons you can’t find a quality man is that you don’t know exactly what you are looking for.
Now you already know that I’m not a fan of the famous (some people would say the infamous) long, long list that women tend to have. But here comes the relationship expert Jordan Gray. In his article how to find and date an exceptionally high quality partner, he suggests that you write a list of traits you would like to find in your partner. Jordan Gray explains how to use that classic technique. He just adds a new twist. Many of the traits examples he gives in his article are not mandatory. Here’s what he suggests: put on paper your preferences, the things you will enjoy most in a partner. For instance, maybe you want a man who loves Metal or classical music just like you; someone who likes to eat simple food. Nothing fancy.
Let’s say it another way. Most women will write in their list:
“I want a man who’s respectful, sweet and faithful…”
Those traits are important. But they are general. You need to create in your mind a more precise image of the men you are looking for. Write 10 to 25 characteristics that you would like to see in your man. Keep in mind that you are looking for a certain kind of compatibility. We have already talked about the importance of this quality. Your couple will need it to stay strong and in health (more about that in the article talking about the movie Julie and Julia).
Problem #3: you don’t know where to look
A lot of bloggers say that you can find good men everywhere. It’s true. But, like I said just above, you will have to think about compatibility. For instance, my sister cannot see herself with a man who has no interest at all in arts. Oh, he doesn’t have to be an artist like her. But no interest at all? No way!
So where could a cultivated lady go to find a love partner?
- Bars located in museums or in theaters. More and more museum and the theater have bars now.
- An exhibition opening (vernissage)
- A concert
Another option is to use Meetup.com and find some meetups in your city that offer gathering for people with the same interest.
Now let’s say that you want to find a successful man. Where are they? It’s a cliché but it’s true: a lot of rich men like to play golf, squash and tennis. How about joining a club? What? You don’t know how to play? Time to take some golf lessons!
You don’t like sports at all? Well, you can find successful men in bars. All you have to do is to find the places where successful men like to go. Ask people who are well aware of the nightlife in your area. They know the clubs where rich young men like to meet.
Problem #4: you are trying to play in a league that’s way above you.
This problem is not easy to hear. If you are expecting a perfect man with no flaws at all, you better be perfect too. You will not get anywhere if you can’t offer something in return. Sure, you want a man who doesn’t lie to you. But are you a liar (by the say, hiding is lying in many cases)? You want a man who listens. Excellent! But do you do all the talking?
Realize that you neeed to know what a perfect love partner is. If you don’t it will hurt the love life.
Don’t try to play in a league that’s way above you. Expect something that you can give in return. A lot of men will appreciate that honesty. They will trust you.
To conclude this article, I will give you some homework. Revise your list of traits your man should have. Try not to describe the perfect man (with all the qualities in the word). If you have not stopped, go out and have fun with your friends and your family. In this society, a lot of men and women tend to neglect people they care about because they are too obsessed by with a goal they have in their mind. Do not fall in that trap: a woman who has a satisfying life is sexy.
We, men, l-o-v-e happy women.
Now that you know your type of man, find the place where he will most likely spend his time.
Do you have any question? Any comments? Share your thoughts in the little white box below. We will be more than happy to read you.
Now you know how to find a quality man.
Go and get that amazing man!