A find your perfect boyfriend and get some peace of mind.
«Happiness depends on your mind and attitude”_ Roy T Bennett
You are a vibrant woman and you deserve to be loved.
Now it’s time that the man of your dreams turns his head. Your soon-to-be perfect boyfriend will see how special you are. But first, you will have to accept that you are unique. And to do so is by completely recharging your mindset.
I wrote the Positive Mindset Guide to help you keep the right attitude as you are looking for a boyfriend. The one that is perfect for you.
As you read this guide, you will realize this:
- You are a lady hunter in some ways. But you will understand that your first goal is to find yourself. Take care of yourself first and you will find your perfect boyfriend.
- Be kind with yourself is the best bait you can find to attract the man of your dream.
The more you take charge of your mental, the more good things will finally get in your way. In other words, To find a perfect boyfriend, being a lady hunter is one thing. But you will have to be a proud hunter.
The Magic Trap
Lucky you. The best there is to attract a man is already inside of you. You will feel it as you continue to read this guide.
I will say it clearly because you are a friend ( OK, I am very happy to tell you this): When it comes to finding the right husband, or the perfect boyfriend, positive mindset is just like a happy magic trap. In other words, when you have it, you start to change your reality even without thinking about it.
But listen. It will be your responsibility to build your own positive mindset. No one will do it for you. Now, that’s good news.
It means that no one will tell you exactly what to do. You are free. The positive mindset guide is not a bible that you will have to follow word by word. You will read here many tips, ideas that you can try. They are all easy to use. Keep the one that works best for you.
One of those techniques can change your life.
Baloney Is Not Good Enough.
You are a woman with common sense. I guess that your dream is about sharing love and affection. I would say that you want to be treated like a princess, am I right? But you want to treat your man like a prince?
What I mean is this: with a positive mindset, you can follow your dream and realize it. But I’m when I’m talking about dreams, I’m talking about realistic dreams.
Picture yourself with the man you love. What are you doing? Are you just unleashing your ego? Think about this: Do you want to have a one side relationship? Is that what you are really looking for?
You can be certain that I think that you deserve the best. But here’s one of the laws of attraction I like the most.
What you want, you have to offer it in return.
Now, if what you’re looking for is perfection in a man, there’s no problem. You will just have to be the same: Perfect for him. But if all you want to do is taking and give nothing, I will tell you this: The Positive Mindset Guide is not for you.
I wish you the best.
A Peculiar Experience For Your Inspiration Today.
This exercise may be it bit unusual. But as unusual as it can be, that technique can do wonder for you.
So you will have to trust me on this one.
As you practice this exercise, you will feel more and more confident in your power to change your reality. It will show you that you can make a difference around you (even if that difference is so tiny that you will feel that the change is no big deal).
But it will be a big difference on a long run, my dear friend. It will be something to be proud of.
So here we go!
Relax and find a mirror in your house. The best would be to put yourself in front of your mirror in your bedroom. If your mirror is in another room, then okay.
Now look in the mirror. Tell me. What do you see? Take your time to enumerate the most different items that you can in your room. Now take your favorite object in your room. Can you tell the story of this object? Do you remember when you bought it? Was it a gift? Have you found it? Was that a gift? Is there a happy story behind it? Maybe a sad when? How do you feel about this object?
What we had explored here is the world of meanings.
This is the real world you’re living in. This is the “real” reality. Reality is not about physical things. It’s all about thoughts. Without getting too involved in philosophy (this is my second passion after music), I will not say that things do not exist. They do for us. What we are dealing with are all those meanings that we link to objects. That’s what creates our experiences.
The mirror is telling you that what you see is a reflection of yourself. It shows how you think. And that’s good news! Why? Because you can change your thoughts! You can change the way you think about men, relationship, marriage, family. You can change your point of view about boyfriends, and blind dates.
It’s all in your power. You can do awesome things.
A friend of mine, a French Canadian philosopher said something very powerful to me yesterday. Now this man is a genius. His language is at a very high level so it would be a bit difficult for me to translate exactly what he said in English. So I will say it my own words.
You can’t wait for love. You can’t wait for happiness. You can’t wait for affection of others.
Your job is to soak yourself, your existence with love (I will tell you how to do it in a few paragraphs). Do that and it will change your point of view. Then your point of view will change your attitude. I will add this now: your attitude will change the experience men have with women when you’re around.
To some point you can change the point of view of a man so he starts to think differently about been in couple and eventually even about marriage.
That’s exactly the miracle my girlfriend did with me. No manipulation what-so-ever. She just did it by been there by my side. And lord! It worked.
We were not even supposed to be together. And against all odds, we are!
A positive mindset has that power. Decide to develop it. Use it.
Who’s The Boss?
Personal responsibility is something great. It looks like a genius in a jar, ready to realize your wishes. Why should you see personal responsibility like a kind of judgment against you?
See it more like a kind of calling. Something that to you hear in your head. Something that says: “C’mon. Take the driving seat. You’re the boss!”
I can hear you:
“OK responsibility. But responsibility of what?”
Responsibility of your thoughts, your feelings, your judgments, your decision, the way you will react when something not funny will happen. You have the power over many things that will try to influence you. Even over some consequences that you can predict.
Here’s a funny experience. Picture in your head a big pink House. Is there a driveway in front of it? How big is a parking? How many windows are in the front this house?
Now try this. Stop thinking about your big Pink house. Not that easy, hum? It’s absolutely normal. The reason is that it is easier to create picture in your head than to remove it.
Some people say that this is proof that you don’t have as much power over your thoughts.
I do not agree…
It just means that do you need some practice to remove some pictures that has been in your head for a long time and that is well inlaid in your mind. There are some habits that you will have to make disappear. There are some you habits that you will have to create.
But hey, why a Pink House? Well it’s because it’s a funny picture. Some ideas want to stay engraved in your head. All things that are very intense stay longer in your head. The game will be to create some intense and happy pictures create inside and all around you. Now you know that you are responsible for your thoughts, what about your feelings?
Well yes, you can do something about them.
And here’s why…
Your feelings depend on your beliefs system. Let’s take an example. If you think that you’re condemned to live alone because you’ve quit your church, this belief will hurt you bad when you have found man that you’re really desire and want to meet. So what is the conclusion here? You will have to adjust some of your beliefs. It takes time but it works.
Again that possibility is what responsibility is all about.
It’s about your future.
“Wait a minute! Do you think you’re responsible off your actions and the consequences of your actions?”
In a certain way, yes. But not totally. Let’s say you have met two men in a congress. Both asked you to come with them at a party. The same one… Both are the type of men you really like. Yeah… Lucky you!
“But the thing is that I can only choose one.”
Oh. Isn’t that the kind of hard decision everyone would like to make?
You make your decision and go to the party. As you are talking to the guesses, you hear something disturbing… That man is already married! Now, are you responsible for your decisions? Absolutely! But you’re not responsible for the lies that men told you.
Are you following me?
He tried to hide the fact that he was married. He got caught.
My point is that even if you are responsible for your actions, you are never responsible for things that you can’t control. So you don’t have to be angry about yourself. You don’t have to judge yourself. Stop calling you names.
With the responsibilities of your thoughts, your emotions, your actions, Here comes the most important one: the responsibility to be kind with yourself.
Do The Split!
We all live with emotion models. Those models work with the rules we create without even knowing it. Those emotion models will shape all your point of views of the world you’re living in. In fact one can understand what’s happening in your head just by understanding what your mindset rules are. That’s how strong those rules are! The type of rule that you follow in your mind will decide how flexible you are in your day-to-day life. You will always act accordingly to those rules.
The quality of emotions we are living with will depend on those decisions. So bottom line, you will have to take a closer look not only to your belief but to do is rules.
Basically there is a three kind mindset rules:
1) The “it would better if…” rule
2) The “I have to …” rule
3) The “I absolutely must…” rule
Let’s start with the first rule: The “it would better if...” rule.
This is the most flexible rule. Here’s an example. You are a woman who goes regularly to blind dates meeting to find a boyfriend. As you get in the restaurant, you do directly to the reserved place near the bar. Without even noticing this, you have decided to follow that rule: It would be better if I get at least 1 perfect match. That rule sets up your state of mind for the evening. Now imagine that you have met 10 men but got no perfect match. What would be your reaction?
Would you be:
- A bit frustrated?
Now what do you think will happen next?
Well maybe you would start to ask yourself some questions. Did I meet enough man? Maybe I should have met 15 men instead of 10. Maybe I wasn’t dressed appropriately considering the place I was? Maybe I was too sexy? Not enough sexy? Maybe I’m too shy? Maybe it should have listened my cousin and take some acting lessons.
Now what’s happening here?
Well, you are on the action mode. You start thinking. You try to do something even if you don’t feel great about what just happened. The other expression to describe this state of mind is the solution mode. Maybe you will even start to think more or less that the meeting was not a failure. After all, you’re in a learning process, no?
As you read those words, you may see what is my point. If you do, it means that you start to feel what been flexible is all about.
Being flexible means that you refuse to paint yourself in a corner. Of course, you have desires. You are a strong woman with ambitions. But you always leave some space clear so you can adjust yourself when needed. Now let’s see the second type of rule.
The “I have to….” rule.
Now see yourself in a situation where you decide to follow that rule. What could happen? Well after the evening, you would probably feel pretty bad if nothing happened. Maybe you would be not only disappointed but in panic. In that situation, you wouldn’t even have enough mental energy to put yourself in the solution mode. When you feel depressed, you don’t have time to think, to ask yourself questions, to find alternative, to create new solutions.
The only thing that you want to do when nothing good happens is just to jump in your bed and sleep forever, right?
The “I have to….” rule does not leave you enough space to adjust yourself. You’re less flexible. When you don’t reach your goal, you just can’t change your point of view. That’s why it hurts so much. But here’s something even worse…
The “I absolutely must ….” rule.
I want to be honest with you here…
It’s just like this: that rule is a killer. I mean almost literally. It you adopt that rule, you will put yourself in a very difficult situation. You will have no alternatives at all. It’s either a home run or a strikeout. No double.
Are you following me?
That rule will put you in the most rigid mind set. The only emotion that you will get from it is frustration, anger and sadness. Then the worst that can happen begins. You start to think this:
“There’s something wrong with me”.
If, in any situation, you find yourself following the second or the third rule, think about making some changes as soon as possible.(by the way, here, ASAP means right away!)
Do not get burn by the 2nd and 3rd rules.
Your Best Anchor
There is a secret that I want to share with you. The most incredible is that this secret is just a word.
Just one word.
Some top psychologists have noticed it. They say that this word is the best way to make a desire that you have totally healthy.
And here’s that magic word.
That little magical world will save your neck in many situations. Use it and you will always give yourself some flexibility, some space in case you need to adjust yourself, to make some changes in your plan. In other words this word is your best anchor that you can have when you make a wish or you express a desire. Now here’s an example.
Say: “I want to get married this year” and you put yourself in very difficult position.
What if you don‘t?
Now please understand. I do not say that you have to think negatively. No. The goal here is to create a new goal without giving yourself too much pressure. Here, you want to use time as an ally. You don’t want time to be against you. So here what you could say in that example.
“I want to find a husband this year. But if I don’t, I’ll keep looking because this is very important.”
See what I mean?
Let’s take another example.
Instead of saying I want to talk to 15 men in that blind date evening, you can say this:
“I want talk to 15 men in that blind date evening but if I don’t I still have that party next week. So I’m okay.”
So a healthy desire is a desire that you can express now and realize one day. It is something that will help you to overcome any kind of frustration that may arise in the process.
It’s Like The End Of The World!
I guess that you already had that reaction. Am I right?
Everybody had that kind of feeling at least once in their life. In fact, you are suffering from a very disturbing kind of state of mind if you have that reaction almost every time something does not go your way?
We call it catastrophism.
The best thing you can do is to get rid of it. How? By using all the different techniques that you will discover in a guide.
Now here’s a something that is a bit different but that will serve you well.
You can call this technique the Richter technique.
This idea is often proposed by psychologists. I will give you two examples: One that specialists often use and one that will fit a bit more with the subject of our guide. So, let’s say that you are looking for a new job. You are having difficult time right now. At last, you finally got an interview for a job that you really want.
Unfortunately, the manager choose somebody else.
You really feel that it’s like the end of the world! On the Richter scale, what just happened is 100.
But now you think what does 100 on the Richter scale really looks like? It could be like that guy you have seen on TV. He had a serious car accident a year ago and lost his two legs.
What do you think?
Here, you start to see your bad experience with a bit of distance. What happened is not funny. It sucks. It hurts. But it’s not the end of the world. Now imagine that a man ask you out. You don’t know him very well, but he seems okay.
Yeah, you can say that he’s a kind of cute…
But that douche doesn’t show up. You are very angry and frustrated. Then you hear those powerful words. They literally pop in your mind.
“It’s better to know that this guy is not reliable now. Imagine if you have discovered that when you started dating him…”
Do you understand how helping for you this comment can be? It changes totally your point of view. The most positive women are those who are expert in creating some distance between them and their bad experiences.
They don’t let those difficult moment ruin their life.
Do you know the story of Procrustes?
It’s one of the most interesting stories of the Greek mythology.
Procrustes is like a God. He’s very hospitable. He has the habit to offer his bed to people passing by. So if you are a traveler, you can spend the night in a warm place, take a rest and be ready in the morning to continue your journey.
But there is a problem….
Everybody does not have the same height. The worst, for Procrustus, is that some people are sometimes too high for his bed. Well no problem. He has the solution… If you are too tall, He will take his saw and cut off your legs so you fit to his bed.
Quite in extremist solution, don’t you think?
You don’t want to be like Procrustes…
Still, you want to refuse reality just like him; you try by all means necessary to make things happens your way. But you know deep inside that people are free to do whatever they want. Well more or less… You can’t control them for long.
Not even for 10 million dollars!
The world is more gray than black and white. It will always be more complex, more ambiguous than clear. You will have to accept that aspect of the reality. Better: try to embrace it.
Of course, your goal, your dream is the most important thing for you. Perfect. That’s how things should be! But you can’t ignore that other people do have dreams too. They have fears, worries. If you forget that point, you will surely hurt yourself, get frustrated and one day, you may say this:
“It doesn’t worth it. Why do I keep trying?”
Remember when things do not go the way you want: the man that you meet will react according to his dreams and fears. You can ask yourself:
“What’s wrong with that man.”
You may have certain clues because you have talk with him for a few minutes. Maybe he’s afraid to be heartbroken again. Maybe he’s afraid that he’s not enough for you. Bottom line, you may discover that you are not the problem.
He has some issues.
Now, one day you will find a man whose dreams get along with yours. His fears will not be an obstacle to your goals. Your issues will not be a big deal for that man.
The perfect boyfriend…
Wow! Look At You…
How many times you have you said that to a friend, somebody you love?
“Wow! Look at you!”
Well, you will have to use that kind of talking for yourself! Now is the time to take care of yourself. What’s the first step for self esteem? It’s accepting yourself just like you are.
You are fine.
A lot of people say that, as a person, you are a mix. You are a mix of feelings, tendencies, emotions. Add to that mix some believes, and some specific characteristics (like habits and temper) and you become somebody. You are unique.
Personally, I believe there is a problem coming with that definition. To have a good self-esteem, you have to create news elements and add it to the mix. Then you will have to remove some parts.
This is a long task; but not that difficult!
There’s another way. It’s start by understanding who you are. What do you say when you start thinking about yourself? How you feel? Do you feel off balance?
The point is nobody’s perfect.
We have learnt to justify our self esteem by our action. So we think that we only have value if we produce result. This is something that we have to fix fast.
Think this way will leave you in a very difficult position. The reason is that with that belief, you do not let yourself the right to make any mistakes.
As long as your self esteem is based on your performance, there will be anxiety and strong in emotions for you.
You’re always at risk.
You just wowed a man two days ago? Good for you! But what about today? What about yesterday? No results…
Now you think you have lost it. All the excitement you had 2 days ago are gone.
How many times something like that happened to you?
This is what we call the philosophy of conditional self esteem. Please leave that one behind you.
I know it’s difficult. And old habit is very hard to kick out. But what can you do instead?
Introducing The Inter Unconditional Self Esteem.
Here, you will justify your self esteem form the inside. Things from the outside will not determine your value anymore
Here’s an example: you have value because you are unique.
There’s no women that’s look like you.
I’m not kidding. Nobody can be compared to you: The reason is that you can compare only two things that are alike.
In your case it will never happen.
Not only that you are a unique but you’re special because you’re a woman. Do you know how many songs men wrote in your honor? Millions!
Musicians, poets do not only write for the most beautiful woman in the world. They talk about the women they see every day. They do songs are about you. Want a proof? Well how do you feel when you hear a romantic song?
You know that you are concerned!
You will have practice unconditional self esteem almost every day. That’s because it is easier to destroy than to build. We have to deal with that cosmic law. Make a list of 5 none changing points that’s you think give value to you. Those points must come from the inside of you. Take your time to read them in your head. You can even read them aloud. Try to some emotions when you do this.
Because It’s You.
It’s a fact. Never again there will be another person like you. For instance, I love watching hockey games. I love to play jazz music my friend. My favorite artists since I’m a kid are Miles Davis, Prince and Michael Jackson. I’m a jazz musician. My favorite soccer team is the FC Barcelona. I love Hockey but I don’t know how to skate. I know that this mix of elements is unique. So I have two choices: I am happy and proud about my personality about what makes me different or I start to see myself has a marginal, someone abnormal. I prefer to first option.
What about you?
Take a paper and pen and start to enumerate the most things you can that makes you different from everybody else. Tell me about your passion. Don’t be shy to write all the different aspects of yourself. If you’re funny and a great woman to be with, write it. Are you shy? It’s okay. Many men (like me) will say that shyness is sexy. Being shy is not being boring.
Again, there’s no time to be ashamed about your interests. Too bad for those who not do not share your passions! This is you. This is important for you. Do not hide.
Make things easier for the men you meet! Some of them will get it. They will understand that you’re not perfect. But you certainly worth to be loved!
Of course, you will have to believe it first…
The point I’m trying to make. Take care of yourself. Treat you well. This is your job.
Be the best you can be to that task.
But how do you to take care of yourself?
Count Your Blessings!
You may have heard about that technique. It’s in the bible. Buddha talked it more than 2000 years ago.
The technique is pretty easy to follow.
Take the list that you wrote a few minutes ago (you know the one that list all the qualities that make you different. What makes you happy about yourself? Again, it doesn’t matter if it’s not something special. Do you do you love soul music? Say: “thank you for my love for soul music. It feels so great”. Has anybody told you that you have a beautiful smile? Then say: “thank you so much for my beautiful smile”. Do you love hiking? “Thanks for that wonderful feeling when I go hiking”. Are you religious? Don’t be shy to say: “thanks God for______ “.
This is something that you will have to do for yourself. For the rest of your life. This is not a quick fix. This is not a remedy.
This is a new way of life that I suggest to you.
Counting your blessings is the most powerful tool that you have to find a man. It will create a state of mind, a vibration that will transform you into a magnet.
A magnet that will attract the right man to you.
Your Secret Garden.
All that being said mean one thing: you will need time for yourself. You will need to put some priorities. And the first one is you.
Of course you have to take care of your children, of your friends. You will have to pay your rent, your mortgage and your taxes.
You may need to buy a new car, a new coat because the winter is coming.
But what you need to understand is that you will have to honor your commitment. In your first commitment is to take care of yourself.
You must unleash the most of your energy to feel good inside.
You feel better about yourself even if you haven’t found a man yet.
Keep practicing and reading your blessings regularly.
Let me say it in another words. Before you build a family, you have to build yourself.
The best ways to build yourself is too take care of your secret garden. (I’m happy to say that,we, men, also have a secret garden too in this case!)
Do you remember that there’s a as much passions and preferences has they are people on this earth? What it means is that you can take care of your secret garden with what relaxes you the most. What you love to do the most.
Usually there are 3-4 things that have a great effect on you. (I’m talking about legal things). Let me give you an example. Personally, when is time to keep care of myself, I like to do my blessing list, to listen to music and to play piano.
I like to take a break during for at least 20 minutes. I close my eyes and I listen to my music saying that this is what I offer to myself.
Because this is important for me.
This is my gift.
Again, if you are religious, you can say:
“Thanks lord for that wonderful love of music I feel inside. Thank you.”
It’s up to you.
Here is another way to take care of your secret garden. If you are a religious person, take 20 minutes of your day to talk to your god. Just remember when you are praying: Now your goal is to take care of yourself with the help of Jesus Christ. This is not the time to complain, to worry. This is time to be grateful, feel great, to bless! Put all your energy in this constructive way to create a new you.
And do it every day and you will be surprised how your state of mind will change.
Oranges And Apples.
Have you realized that every time you compare yourself to somebody else, it’s at your expense?
You always feel bad.
The most funny about it is that you don’t do that when you are in a good position. At least, not that much.
It’s only when we know that it will hurt that we start to make comparison. How come this red hair girl tried blind dates only once and already has a boyfriend? How come my sister just got married and I can’t find a decent man?
Every time we do those kind comparisons and they will hurt us.
But we can’t help it.
Why? There’s something inside that say that if we can’t find what we’re looking for, then it’s our fault. This is a twisted way to say to ourselves that we have a great desire. And that what we’re looking for is possible to be found.
So if we can’t find it, we must be punished…
But in reality nothing can be compared. Nothing.
For instance, maybe your neighbor just got married. Good for her! But ask yourself:
“Is that man exactly the kind of man I’m looking for? Do I know how long she has been waiting to find that man? Do I know the context in which they met?”
Do you know if you are neighbor has just decided to close her eyes and married the fist man she has found because she was sick and tired to be alone? Maybe that’s not the best move a girl can make. Only the future knows. My point is that it is very difficult to compare two different situations.
You are unique. Your situation is unique.
You can’t “compare apples and oranges”, they say. True.
Mind your own business the best you can and ignore the rest.
Dig Hard. Dig Deep.
Some people that you know, that you love are bad teachers. Some teachings you have received as a kid from your parents, teachers, grownups affect you today. They are your perception of reality now.
But what happen is that you have inherited many of their negative perception of things.
It’s not your fault. And to tell the truth, maybe all those adults have learnt to negative beliefs. It’s just that we have heard some statements over and over as a child, as a teenager.
How many times you have heard this:
Men only think about one thing
You can’t trust people.
Stop it You will annoy people.
That’s reality. It’s not about what you want.
You can’t trust anybody except your own family.
It hard to find a decent man!
A child hears this kind of comment 20 times a week. What kinds of adult do you think he will be?
Very pessimistic, I bet…
Good thing is that there is something that we can do about this.
Take a pen and piece of paper. Ask yourself what are the teachings that influenced you the most. I’m talking about those beliefs that you have heard so many times that, even today, you tend to repeat them almost every day in your head without even noticing it. Try to be precise. It will help you to create more of that distance you need to reevaluate those beliefs.
Now ask yourself what could be the negative consequences of that belief. What kind of negative feelings it creates inside of you. If you think that blind dates are for losers, maybe that this belief is creating loneliness in your life. At best it keeps you inside your own social circle. You are imprisoned. But maybe you need to expand it.
Now let’s take that belief: Men are just children you can find one that is responsible.
You do what? This can be true. Up to some point. But do you think that this statement is true for all men? ( boy I can hear some ladies saying” hell yeah”!)
Come on! It’s Impossible that every single man on this planet earth is irresponsible.
Now here is an important step.
Do you think that this belief serves you well? Do you think that this comment makes you learn more about yourself? When you pronounce that comment do you learn more about someone else? Ask yourself if that grownup have not taught you more about his or her vision of the world. With all the fears, all the frustrations and all the disappointments that come with it…
Every new generation accept those teachings without asking questions. The danger is that you will always find a way to detect “proofs” for any beliefs that you think is true. Even if that belief is totally wrong. You are looking for the moment when you will say:
“I knew it”
If you say that man can’t be trusted, you will always find examples in People magazine on TV or in TMZ to confirm what you think.
That’s how we all are. We don’t want to be wrong. Even to our own expense.
So dig hard. Dig deep. Smoke out those teachings that keep hurting you. It doesn’t matter if you find some examples that will confirm one of those beliefs along the way. You can find counter examples on the other side.
And you know what? You may even be a victim of what I call “self build prophecy”.
What is self build prophecy? You know when you’re on the road. You are sure that danger is everywhere.
“Turn on the radio. You will hear accidents every day.”
You are so afraid to be hit in the back while you driving. You watch on your left, on your right, on your left and right again. You start to be so confused that you don’t even know what’s going on in the street anymore.
And then bam!
A car hits you.
This is what I call self build prophecy. You create it, you make it happen.
Now remember I’m not saying that it’s your fault. Judgement like that is useless. My point is this: As you are looking for men, be careful. Self build prophecy does happen.
Just think about it the next time you will go to a party. Do you think it’s so difficult to meet men that you don’t even try? Usually you don’t even realize that you stay withdrawn into yourself. But maybe the other guys can see it. Maybe your face says:
“I will not be treated badly anymore. So I don’t really want to talk to you.
Be A Fan. Not A Fanatic.
Doing what you love.
It’s such a wonderful thing to do what you love. This is the best way to build your inner strength. People talk about being tough. Being tough is being able to overcome any kind of opposition, fighting until the table finally turn on your side.
Here, it is not exactly what I’m talking about.
By doing what you love, all those bad experiences will have less effect over you.
I will give you some examples. I can say that music have helped me in difficult moments. I remember like it was yesterday. I just lost my girlfriend; my job sucked, but like the saying says:
“I have rock a roll band.”
Let’s take my mother for instance. What she loved the most was going to church, pray, singing and praising the lord. Now I can see that this was her favorite recipe to overcome difficult times. The moment she was in a bad mood or worried, you would her singing amazing grace.
This was her technique to shift from the bad mood is a good one. Find your own technique.
Here’s another passion that saved a woman and finally had a positive effect in her love life.
Getting involved in the community.
She was so involved that she finally felt that looking for husband was not her priority anymore!
All her life was turning around her children, her community and her church. Guess what happened finally? That’s exactly where she found her next husband.
In her church!
Click here to read more about her.
One thing I have to say, though.
This is very important.
Be a fan. Not a fanatic.
You don’t want your occupation to serve you as in drug. What I mean is beware that your occupation doesn’t occupy too much you mind. It would be a mistake to neglect everything else: your friends, your family, your job.
Let that technique be your servant. Do not let it become your master!
Here’s the golden rule: Your passion must finally opened you to the orders.
You Really Can’t Find One?
What if you can’t find a passion? Well there is only one answer.
You will have to make some experiments.
First, ask yourself what are you tend to do when you want to have fun. That could be a clue.
Or you can just do something random (without spending too much money). How will you do if that’s the right activity? Well you will have to pay attention about how you feel.
A good way to be sure is by using baseball technique.
You know the three strikes?
Give three chances to an activity (it could be dance, painting, helping kids to do their homework). What I mean is this: give yourself a chance to find a activity. Then After three strikes, if you still feel nothing, it’s a strike out! You will have to be honest. You will need to put 100% of yourself to find the best activity: the one that will open you the most to people, to the world.
Blah Blah Blah With Yourself.
What you say, how you feel, your attitude is the result of all the inner talk you have in your mind.
You’re just like a movie director and the movie is your life.
Let’s say it in other words. The movie is in your head.
Unfortunately the movie is not necessarily a happy one.
You use words and emotions to create the scenes, the personas, the characters.
Do you realize that there’s an inner dialogue in your head?
Your inner dialogue will create your desires, your fears.
Let’s take a closer look to see what’s going on.
There are two persons in your head.
We will call the first one you–Devil and the second one you-angel. They both represent your conflicting emotions.
You have the voice that believes it’s possible, and you have the one that says it’s impossible.
Do you remember those cartoons like The Flintstone? Fred had the Devil on one side of his head and an angel on the other side.
Here is how your own story may look like.
Let’s say that you’ve met a very attractive man. You have now his phone number.
You-Devil: “Do you remember the last time? It was a nightmare! It still hurts! Do you really want to try this again? Really?”
You-Angel: “The last experience was a part of the learning process. You have seen how much a man can be easily influenced by his friend. What you can learn from this is that this man was not the right one. Yes, it hurts. But he is no longer on your way!”
You-Devil: “New longer on your way? Don’t you know that all men are the same? You will get burned again with this one! Just stay at home. Why looking for more trouble?”
You-Angel: “Stay at home? What about your dreams? What about your desire to find the right man. What about that family you want to have?”
You-Devil: “Your dreams? Think first about not living a new nightmare!”
You to You-Devil: “Yeah! I think you’re right…”
The You-Devil is the winner. That’s is why you feel bad right now.
There is only one way to start to fight is devil? You don’t.
You just start my controlling your words. They are yours. You can do whatever you want with them.
And you will feel more and more that You-Devil is losing her power…
The Best Word Play In The World.
In London, a gentleman was walking on the sidewalk when he came face to face with a woman walking in the opposite direction. The gentleman tried to step on is right to let the lady pass. She just had the same idea! So the man thought to move on his left instead. So did like the lady. The two walkers smiled.
“Thank you for the the dance“, said the man.
Do you think that using the expression “dance” in this situation was funny for the woman?
I pretty sure it was…
I remember that something similar happened to me. I used the word “dance” without even thinking about it. It was funny even for me!
That word changed the situation. The experience was funny. It wasn’t awkward anymore.
This is how you change any situations.
With the power of words you can make it your life more shining, more tolerable…
But at the same time, the words you use can make a bad moment even worse if you do not pay attention.
You don’t have to be funny.
You just have to use the words that create a good effect on you.
Now you are not gentlemen. But you are a lady.
You will have to act like a lady with yourself.
Think about what a lady would say in a bad situation. How would she use the words to lighten the experience?
Here are some suggestions:
Instead of saying: “I can find a decent man” say “I’m looking for man that is perfect for me”. You paragraph
Instead of saying:” how long will it take to find a man? Say: “I’m still looking I want to be sure it’s the right one”.
Instead of saying: “How come she has a boyfriend now and I don’t. Say: “It’s a good thing: it means it’s possible.”
Please, pay attention to your words.
A woman I know describes a real clumsy man as The Awkward Man (word of play with the name Aquaman, a DC super hero). That man has a severe inability to talk to women. No class at all.
I rarely hear her complain about her love life. I knew that she is sick and tired to be alone. But her language and her attitude make her research more tolerable.
Here another example.
I remember when my sister used to go to single meeting events. She used to say: “I’m going out”.
By using that expression, she was able to remove all the stress to find a man in that particular evening. This was her method to have fun, to dance without thinking too much about anything else. If she met a man, great!
If she didn’t, well at least she had fun anyway!
Now take a pen and of paper. Write a list of all the expression that you use in your head that make you feel bad about men and your love life in general.
Now take the first expression in your list. Try to say the same idea but in a more positive, bright way. Use your imagination.
You’ll be surprised how you can start a laugh about those situations. You want to find are right formulas for you. Once it’s done, stick to them! Do not do back to the same quotes, the same comments you used to say.
What you trying to do is to create a new you.
A woman who feels fantastic.
A lady that will be attracted men with her wonderful vibration, her state of mind.
The Great Shift.
Now, you know how important your thoughts are. Your thoughts will affect your love life, your experience in general.
You know what?
I will go even further.
Your world is the echo of your thoughts.
Let’s say that you believe that you will never be able to find a man because you have child. No man will want to find himself stuck with a 5 year old kid, right?
What could possibly happen if you have that belief?
Well you used to do go out at least once every 2 weeks before. Now, maybe it’s once every 6 months. If a man smiles to you, maybe you will not even try to smile back to him. You might think:”oh, he smiles just because he doesn’t know yet that did have a child.”
See what I mean?
Such is the power of your thinking.
What you think about yourself you become.
So let me ask you this question: What do you think about yourself?
Your answer will have a great impact on your life.
Let’s take for instance the story of a very good athlete, Sarah.
She was struggling in her love life after her for wonderful sport carrier.
Her parents divorced she was young. Just like in many of those situations, they fought a lot after divorce. All that stress marked Sarah deeply as a child.
“You are just like your mother: stubborn. A real nightmare”.
So Sarah started to define herself as a nightmare. For her, it meant unworthy to be loved.
Of course, she was unlucky in her love life.
Remember we always recreate what we believe is true. We do this to confirm our beliefs, to prove that we were right.
So what to do that kind of situation? Sarah decided to change her focus.
First she asked herself that question:
“Am I exactly like my mother? Well of course, not. Mom is was bit overweight. Not an athlete at all. So we are different. And what about me being stubborn? Well that aspect of my personality served me well when I was competing… The only thing that mattered at that time was winning. Nothing else! How come nobody told me that I was stubborn back then? My coach said to a journalist that I was tenacious. I never give up…”
Ah tenacious. That’s the word! Sarah started to see of herself as athlete in her heart even if she’s not competing anymore.
She is not a single minded woman but a woman who knows exactly where she’s going.
Now the last time I have talk to her, she was feeling great. The new definition of herself has done great. But she has not found a man yet. It will happen.
What do you think?
The point is this: Think about how you define yourself.
If that decision is hunting you, change it.
Do it now.