Have you heard that kind of story?
1) A woman says on TV that she has found her perfect boyfriend online 2 years ago.
2) A colleague says that she just had a perfect match on a dating site.
Here’s the story of a woman I know. She chats with a friend of a friend on Facebook. She has never seen that guy in person, but she thinks that the man is funny and sweet. They finally decide to go out a Saturday evening. Then they plan to go out again. And again. Finally, they are in love!
How they did it? Only a few happy people seem to be successful with online dating.
Is there a technique, a recipe to succeed? Well yes, there are some tips to help you find a perfect boyfriend online.
Show Me What You Got.
Do you think it’s easy to write a profile on a dating site?
Well it is and it’s not.
What ‘s hard is to find the right balance. The best profile is the one that shows how fantastic you are. In other words, don’t write about how desperate you are, how you feel about men. Write about how special you are.
The wonderful you.
Now, this is a important point. You already know that men love women who laugh their jokes, right?
But men love women who fascinate them (to know how to play with this aspect of men and make sure that they will like the game, read the article How to make a man crazy about you, the Ninon principle. Men want to be around them. Use your profile to hook them. They are some techniques to make men feel that you are a cool lady as they read your profile. Here’s a great tip: Instead of saying that you love to laugh, just give some examples. Talk about your favorite sitcom, your favorite movie.
You want to describe yourself? Use a reference in pop culture. Maybe you are funny, attractive and a bit arrogant like Elaine on the TV show Seinfeld. Maybe you are faithful, intelligent and sensitive like Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies.
Of course, you are talking to men. It wouldn’t help if you use some references coming form Sex And The City…
Tell it right
In other words. Please be true. In other words, I love you-Fly me to the moon- Frank Sinatra.
Yes, this is your profile. You will use the words that will express your feelings and your ambitions.
But at the same time you write for somebody else. So you will have to find some words that will attract men. Words that will not make them run far away from your profile.
I can hear some of you, ladies, saying.
“Too bad for them”
I respect that. But what if one of them was the perfect one for you?
Remember. We all have our issues. You perfect boyfriend is the one that will connect well with you regardless of those problems…
So you will have to choose your words to find your boyfriend online. Here are some ideas:
There’s a good chance that what you’re looking for is to get married. You are looking for a husband. Maybe you are looking for a man to start a new family.
Again, you must not look too needy on your profile.
Instead of using the word marriage, you can use the word lasting relationship. Instead of using the word husband you can use the word best friend.
Are you following me?
“But, Jo, this is not exactly what I’m looking for.”
I understand. Here, I will use a reference form Helen Benes in Seinfeld. She talks about men.
“I’m trying to make a little squirrel come over to me, here. I don’t want to make big sudden movements. I’ll frighten him away…”
What I’m saying here is that you will have to make some decisions and use some words that will not say exactly what you mean but that will serve you well.
Words that sound less dramatic for the man who will read your profile.
Again, for instance, the word marriage on you profile is a very dramatic word for men. One can almost hear the horns resonate just like in the movies. Da-Da- Daaaa.
Now, choosing your word is something. Protecting yourself is something else. What are those things that you can’t negotiate? What is your deal-breaker? Write it on your profile… Do you have children? You are proud of them? Say it in your profile. Men who are scared of children will know. So you will not waste your time and he will not too.
Now, about the contacts… Do not expect too much at the beginning. Don’t worry about how long it takes for the man to respond to you. Too many expectations can hurt you. Anyway, if you feel that the kind of contact you have with that man is not what you are looking for, you can choose to not stay in touch with him.
I will not talk about those guys who ask sexy pictures early on. I will not talk about those who write short term relationship in their profile. You already know what to do with them, right?
Related article: Online dating security tips: your first date
Find the perfect Boyfriend Online. Beware of the shopping list.
That’s the negative side of online dating. There are so many characteristics and features that you can choose on the sites! You can describe the perfect man with precision: hair, color, weight, income, likes… But doing so, your lose a lot of flexibility… I’ve said it in another post; My girlfriend is beautiful. But she was not at all the type of beauty that I used to date before her.
But what a woman!
I’m so glad that I listen to my best friend when she started playing the match maker with us. What I mean is this: beware of the little voice that says:”yeah, this guy is cool. But he’s not perfect… “
Beware of the idea to find a man that will check all the boxes on you list.
Again, the perfect man is the one that will see your imperfections and say:
“No problem, it doesn’t bother me… And man, she’s cool. She’s beautiful…”
And thinking about him, you feel exactly the same …
Related article: how to find a quality man.
That idea leads to my last comment about online dating. What you are looking for is something special.
Something we call chemistry.
Chemistry has nothing to do with how you look, or how sexy is the other guy. It’s something that you can not predict. It just like a miracle.
Chemistry will totally tear apart your list.
It will blow up your little boxes.
I can personally tell you this: this is astonishing when it happens! But to find that kind of miracle, you will need to meet enough men. And I can guarantee you that things will be difficult if you keep using your long list of qualities a perfect man should have.
Your list is making things harder.
Of course, you have your preferences. But keep an open kind. Stay flexible.
Do you have any question? Any comments? There’s a little box below just for you. Tell me what you think.
Now you know that success online start with the idea that you are special. Tell it to the world!
Go! And find your amazing man!