You may have said recently: “will I ever get a boyfriend“?
This article is about how to deal with that frustration and the anxiety to be left alone for ever.
Specialists see anxiety as “the emotion of fearful apprehension”. In some way, it can be summarized like this:
“I don’t know exactly what is the problem. And if I knew, I wouldn’t know what to do”…
Philosopher have talk about that state of mind for centuries. They have suggested some reason of that disorder and proposed solutions.
I will, here, propose some ideas to fight frustration and anxiety as you are still looking for the right one. Here we go.
Related article: What If I Never Find A Boyfriend? Dealing With Fear.
Know the signs of anxiety
Anxiety is not “just in your head”. It’s a real medical experience just as physical disorder. In fact, according to Anxiety and Depression Association of America, it’s the most common mental disorder in the United States.
In other words, you are not “crazy” because you are anxious to be left alone for ever.
There are signs that shows that you are suffering from an anxiety disorder.
- Are you constantly worrying about your love life to the point that it interfere in your daily life?
- Do you avoid socializing because you do not want to be left alone or embarrassed?
- Do you have some kind of panic attacks about your love life? Are preoccupied about next one?
- Do you have flashbacks of a dramatic experience that happened several months or years ago?
Another sign of anxiety is you seem to be always tired. Think about the last time you had a moment with your friends in a restaurant. Are you mentally absent most of the time?
Over-planning everything is a sign of anxiety. You want to control everything around you but, deep inside, you realize that it’s impossible.
Now that you have recognized the signs, let’s see what you can do to manage your amount of anxiety to be left alone. Here, I will not talk about medical solution. Please, consult a doctor or a therapist if you believe that you need that type of help.
Do not be shy to ask for help.
#1 Breathing exercises (with a little twist).
Breathing exercises are well known as an excellent exercise to release the pressure. But, in really, those exercises are great because they help you get the habit of being in the present moment. In fact, studies have shown that mindfulness exercises can create positive brain changes.
There’s no need to practice breathing exercises at home if you find this activity boring. A good way to add some “spice” to your routine is to simply practice it outside. I love to take the time to breathe in a park just walking or lying on the grass. The trees, the sky (and even the moon) have a relaxing virtue. Their presence will help you to slow down your thoughts as you breathe calmly. No need to use any “mantras” or to count from 1 to 5 as you inhale and exhale. Just admire the sky or the stars. Hear the wind getting between the tree branches. Hear the leaves softly shaking.
Have you noticed how great the nature sounds?
#2 Take notes
Having a journal can have a positive effect on your health and your state of mind. It will help you gain some distance, and clarity so you can understand your thoughts and situation better.
Every day, observe your thoughts, your non-verbal language. It’s that simple. As you are writing in your notepad, you will eventually notice some patterns.
Very soon, you will realize that you are not your emotions, your anxiety. You are more than that. I know a man who has started to time his worrying moment! He was sometime very depressed and anxious about his love life: he could not find a girlfriend. He simply started to put some numbers on his fears, as if they were laboratory rats. That’s how he started to take some distance with his anxieties.
The bottom line is this: observe, analyze. Be an analyst of yourself. You will soon start to feel better.
Related article: to know more about the inner talk, read the article: Make a man crazy about you by respecting yourself.
#3 Focus on what you can control.
The more you observe your emotions, the more you will start to understand them. At this point, you will have the opportunity to focus on things that you can control.
Let’s take this example. You have not found a man yet. But, deep inside, you are worried about a possible betrayal that you may experience with your future boyfriend. After all, this is what happened to your friend, right?
This is the essence of anxiety. A projection towards the future, about something that you can’t control.
Lies, betrayals do exist. It may happen to you in the future. Or not.
But no matter how hard you try, you will never control the future; it simply doesn’t belong to you.
The solution is to focus on is your present. The first step is to accept the fact that you are anxious about something that you can‘t control. Let your consciousness penetrate your emotions. Observe them. This is the perfect moment to start to spot the lies that your emotions shovel in your love life. You can now realize that:
- No one has the power to control the future.
- You can change your attitude about your love life.
Related article: to know more about the art of observing your emotions, read the article How To Mend My Broken Heart? 2 solutions To Help You Feel Better.
In conclusion, remember that being proactive will always be the best solution to get rid of the anxiety of being alone forever. Being anxious is by essence a passive attitude.
Observe, think and make the decision to live in the present.
Do you have any question? Any comments? There’s a little white box below just for you. I’ll be more than happy to read your ideas?