Well-being

You may have said recently: “will I ever get a boyfriend“?

This article is about how to deal with that frustration and the anxiety to be left alone for ever.

Specialists see anxiety as “the emotion of fearful apprehension”. In some way, it can be summarized like this:

“I don’t know exactly what is the problem. And if I knew, I wouldn’t know what to do”…

Philosopher have talk about that state of mind for centuries. They have suggested some reason of that disorder and proposed solutions.

I will, here, propose some ideas to fight frustration and anxiety as you are still looking for the right one. Here we go.

Related article: What If I Never Find A Boyfriend? Dealing With Fear.

 

Know the signs of anxiety

Anxiety is not “just in your head”. It’s a real medical experience just as physical disorder. In fact, according to Anxiety and Depression Association of America, it’s the most common mental disorder in the United States.

In other words, you are not “crazy” because you are anxious to be left alone for ever.

There are signs that shows that you are suffering from an anxiety disorder.

• Are you constantly worrying about your love life to the point that it interfere in your daily life?
• Do you avoid socializing because you do not want to be left alone or embarrassed?
• Do you have some kind of panic attacks about your love life? Are preoccupied about next one?
• Do you have flashbacks of a dramatic experience that happened several months or years ago?

 

Another sign of anxiety is you seem to be always tired. Think about the last time you had a moment with your friends in a restaurant. Are you mentally absent most of the time?

Over-planning everything is a sign of anxiety. You want to control everything around you but, deep inside, you realize that it’s impossible.

Now that you have recognized the signs, let’s see what you can do to manage your amount of anxiety to be left alone. Here, I will not talk about medical solution. Please, consult a doctor or a therapist if you believe that you need that type of help.

Do not be shy to ask for help.

 

#1 Breathing exercises (with a little twist).

Breathing exercises are well known as an excellent exercise to release the pressure. But, in really, those exercises are great because they help you get the habit of being in the present moment. In fact, studies have shown that mindfulness exercises can create positive brain changes.

There’s no need to practice breathing exercises at home if you find this activity boring. A good way to add some “spice” to your routine is to simply practice it outside. I love to take the time to breathe in a park just walking or lying on the grass.   The trees, the sky (and even the moon) have a relaxing virtue. Their presence will help you to slow down your thoughts as you breathe calmly.  No need to use any “mantras” or to count from 1 to 5 as you inhale and exhale. Just admire the sky or the stars. Hear the wind getting between the tree branches. Hear the leaves softly shaking.

Have you noticed how great the nature sounds?

 

#2 Take notes

Having a journal can have a positive effect on your health and your state of mind. It will help you gain some distance, and clarity so you can understand your thoughts and situation better.

Every day, observe your thoughts, your non-verbal language. It’s that simple. As you are writing in your notepad, you will eventually notice some patterns.

Very soon, you will realize that you are not your emotions, your anxiety. You are more than that. I know a man who has started to time his worrying moment! He was sometime very depressed and anxious about his love life: he could not find a girlfriend. He simply started to put some numbers on his fears, as if they were laboratory rats. That’s how he started to take some distance with his anxieties.

It’s impressive.

The bottom line is this: observe, analyze. Be an analyst of yourself. You will soon start to feel better.

Related article: to know more about the inner talk, read the article: Make a man crazy about you by respecting yourself.

 

#3 Focus on what you can control.

The more you observe your emotions, the more you will start to understand them. At this point, you will have the opportunity to focus on things that you can control.

Let’s take this example. You have not found a man yet. But, deep inside, you are worried about a possible betrayal that you may experience with your future boyfriend. After all, this is what happened to your friend, right?

This is the essence of anxiety. A projection towards the future, about something that you can’t control.

Lies, betrayals do exist. It may happen to you in the future. Or not.

But no matter how hard you try, you will never control the future; it simply doesn’t belong to you.

The solution is to focus on is your present. The first step is to accept the fact that you are anxious about something that you can‘t control. Let your consciousness penetrate your emotions. Observe them. This is the perfect moment to start to spot the lies that your emotions shovel in your love life. You can now realize that:

• No one has the power to control the future.
• You can change your attitude about your love life.

 

Related article: to know more about the art of observing your emotions, read the article How To Mend My Broken Heart? 2 solutions To Help You Feel Better.

 

Conclusion

In conclusion, remember that being proactive will always be the best solution to get rid of the anxiety of being alone forever. Being anxious is by essence a passive attitude.

Observe, think and make the decision to live in the present.

Do you have any question? Any comments? There’s a little white box below just for you. I’ll be more than happy to read your ideas?

Love,

Jo Fontaine.

 

Lady, in this article, I will share with you a story that happened last Friday in a single dating event. Now, this story is very important for you.

Here’s why.

It will explain very clearly what I mean when I say: “beware of your thoughts; they can ruin your love life”. Here is what you can do: every time you will ask yourself “how to find a boyfriend?” remember that story. You will then have the opportunity to take a hard look at your thoughts and make some decisions. No doubt, there’s a good chance that those conceptions are slowing you down.

Of course, taking this resolution(to observe our thoughts) sucks sometimes. But hey! If it pays, why not? See that exercise as if you were taking out the garbage.

Related article: to know more about how your thoughts affect your love life, read the article Why you can’t get a boyfriend. Stop auto sabotage your love life.

So here’s how it starts:

 

Got something for you, Jo

So my friend Joanne calls me. She says:

“I guess you already know why I’m calling you”.

“You just went to a single dating even”.

Joanne is a bit surprised but not that much.

“Yeah… This is what I do almost every Friday”, she mumbles

Then her voice gets all her joyful energy back. She says:

“I got something for your blog”.

“Tell me, darling”, I say, almost laughing.

I can’t find what I’m looking for

“I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”. U2

Meet Ann. Ann is pretty special because, even if she’s 39 years old, well… She looks like she’s 25.

It’s a drag for her.

“Boohoo, poor you” would say most people (OK this is what I said at first, I confess…).

But here is her problem. Ann wants to date a man of her age.

And the only guys who approach her are men in their mid- twenties…

“I just can’t find a man of my age”.

Joanne is a bit surprised to hear that problem. But soon she starts to understand. Let’s say that Ann is anxious. She wants to start a family before it’s too late. The problem is that most men in their mid-twenties are still boys in some ways.

This is probably what happened when her last boyfriend broke up with her. Her 26 years old ex-boyfriend  said:

“The age difference is not a problem today. But soon, it will be. We better stop our relationship now…”

So here I’m raising an eyebrow. When I was 27, I have dated an older woman; So I know that the problem cannot be that simple.

It’s like Joanne reads my mind:

“That what’s she says. I feel that the problem is more complicated than that. That woman is a bit complicated”.

 

Your thoughts can stop you seeing clearly…

“If that’s your best, your best won’t do”. Were not gonna take it. Twisted Sister.

So here is Ann, complaining about her young look. She says that, today, it’s so difficult to find a man of the same age. Not older, not younger. She thinks that things were so much easier before.

Let’s think about it.

You’re 25, back in the days. At that age, you should already have a fiancée. Or something was wrong…

This social pressure was true for men and women. How could you expect a promotion in your office if you were not married?

And she keeps talking to everybody who’s ready to listen to her. Yada, yadi, yada.

But the things is that, in the group there is a handsome man. He’s seriously interested in Ann. But she doesn’t even notice him. She keeps whining about her sorry love life.

Sad thing. Because that man is 41 years old… Just perfect for her.

 

You are responsible for your thoughts

“Hello. Is it me you’re looking for?” Hello- Lionel Richie.

I nod as I hear the end of the story. To tell the truth, I’m not very surprised. Nor should you. Your love life is the result of your thoughts. It’s not the society, the fact that men have changed, the internet or the fact that the male identity has been broken lately.

“How did that guy reacted, I ask? Have you talked to him?”

“Hum… yes. He was disappointed. He said to me: I don’t have a change with her…”

Joanne makes a pause and finally says:

“I had to cheer him up. I just said the truth. Ann is pretty complicated…”

Related article: to know more about how your thoughts will attract the love life that fits with your vibration, read the article How to attract the man you want – the law of attraction.

 

Conclusion

Your thoughts will make or ruin your love life. Period.

I know that the hardest will be to accept this. We are responsible for our thoughts. I’ve been there. My best friend have been there. And so my sister.

See it this way. Can you afford to lose opportunities to meet good men? How many nice people have your let pass just below your nose because you were trapped in your thoughts?

Realize this. This is not too late. You can make things better. But one thing is for sure: you got to stop that “love wastage”.

Following me?

Related article: to know more about how you can change your vibrations to attract men, read the article 4 tips to attract a man now.

 

Do you have question? Any comments? There’s a little white box below, just for you. I will be more than happy to read your ideas and thoughts.

Now you know that there is no need to let good men pass by because you are trapped in your mind.

Go, lady! And find your amazing man!

Love,

Jo Fontaine.

XOXO

 

This article is about one big reason why you can’t get a boyfriend yet: insecurity. This state of mind affects deeply your behaviors, attitude. It’s express itself when you think, deep inside, that you are not enough to merit the appreciation of the others.  You think that you are inadequate for the task that you wish to perform. This problem can be very tricky. It can ruin your love life without being noticed. You need to know if you are insecure because this is the first step to get rid of that trouble.

Here are a few points to know if you are insecure.

Related article: To learn how to get rid of self-doubt, read the article I can’t find a boyfriend -Destroy your doubt.

 

You avoid contact.

This is a typical aspect of your body language when you are insecure: you do not like to watch people in the eyes.  For that reason, some people think that you are a bit snob. This is the kind of judgement insecurity creates: if you do not look in the eyes, it means that you are trying to hide something; or you think that you are better than everybody else.

Another typical habit: You always try to leave the first in a meeting or when you have a date. Personally, it took me a while to realize that insecurity was the reason why my mother always wanted to leave fast a family reunion or in an evening.  A last aspect of the fear to connect with the other is that you are always the first to hang up the phone.

But this fear can lead to some severe consequence in your love life. Insecure people tend to end up their relationship first. You don’t want that your boyfriend break up with you. Well, the solution is to break up first!

Even if things are going pretty well…

Try to look at your love life. Do you tend to sabotage your relationships?

Related article: To learn how to approach men, read the article 4 tips to attract a man now.

 

Worries, worries, worries…

When it starts, it never stops. You just have met the guy.   Hundreds of questions pop up in your mind. You are worried about everything.

“Did I say something wrong? He said this… What did he mean? How was my makeup, my hair? Too much? Not enough? Oh, my God…  Hope he’s not married. I would never date a cheater. But if he’s single, did I say the right things? Why am I the only woman who doesn’t have a damn clue about flirting?”

Of course, you can find yourself in this state of mind once in a while.  You are insecure if this is your general state of mind when you date someone.

 

Push away, and they pull back in

Insecure people do not want to get hurt. So they often push away those who want to get closer to them.  An insecure woman will be a real puzzle for a man. Some guys will try to clear up the mystery; most of them will fail. The others will simply walk away. This is when an insecure lady will realize her mistake. She will try to pull back her man in her life. Sometime, it will work. Sometime, it won’t.

 

Insecurity must be everywhere…

Usually, insecure people do not want to be the only person suffering in the room. So usually, they will try to share their insecurity and mess up the other’s people mind.

A lady told me recently that a woman, worried to die alone, said to her:

“What? You are still looking for a husband? But aren’t you worried about your age? Soon you will be too old to have children.”

This is typical. Insecurity must be everywhere, according to the worried people.

Related article: To learn how to stop being influenced by negative people and how deal with the fear of being alone, read the article help me get a boyfriend. First, get rid of that person.

 

Can’t take a compliment, Can’t see what’s good

Do you put yourself down often? Do you have problem to accept a compliment? Insecure people just can’t take a good word. How many times have you said something like that?

“You say I’m beautiful only because you are a sweet person…”

Yesterday, I was watching a rap battle. A professional rapper was standing in front of a stand up comedian with a low self-esteem. They were supposed to roast each other. The comedian putted himself down so badly that the rapper didn’t know what to say. The job was already done.

Man… It was sad…

 

This is not the answer I want to hear…

Insecurity is like being deaf.  You never hear the answer that is given. Even if it’s the answer you hear is once you are waiting for… Insecure people cannot accept an answer. That’s why they are asking the same question over and over.

Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me?

Are you thinking about somebody, right now?

 

Hit back

Until now, we have talked about one type of insecure personality. That person thinks that she has nothing interesting to offer to anyone. This trouble of the personality can be called inferiority complex. But some men and women will try to over compensate that lack of energy.

Oh, for sure, they get hurt easily like all the insecure people.  But they will seek for revenge. And lord! it will happen fast. They will hit hard. Too hard.  They get a little slap on the hand, and they will get their bazooka.

How do you react when you feel hurt?

 

Control freaks

A lot of insecure people are control freaks. Since they are scared to death that something happens, they will try to control their date, their spouse, and all the activities they make. They want to control what the other say, how they think. Do you try to control everything pretending that you want that everything is perfect?

 

Striving for superiority

Some people go too far to over compensate their insecurity. They want to hide their fear so bad that they will oppress everybody around them. If they can make someone unhappy, they are happy.

Here is their logic: “I make people sweat, therefore I exist.”

This type of insecure person is a “disagree machine”. No wonder that this they have problems to have a healthy relationship.

 

Conclusion

This article is not about how to get rid of insecurity: the hardest is to identify the problem.

Very often, an insecure person will use those lines: “this is reality”. “That’s how it goes today”. Some people will play the tough card and will want to show how strong they are. But they can be broken in a snap of fingers.

Once you have accepted that you are insecure, you will be able to create a plan to have an easier life.

Now you know that being scared of everything or bragging about how tough will get you nowhere.

Take care of yourself. And find that amazing man.

Love,

Jo Fontaine