Well-being

This article is not like the others. As you read this post, you will have the chance to take action and start to get a better love life. Here how it works.  Your goal today is to know exactly how worried you are. Yes you are asking yourself why you can’t find a boyfriend.  But is that anxiety actually stops you to reach your goal?

To know it that’s the case, just answers the questions below.  This test can help you to see what’s really going on in your love life. Maybe you will discover that the solution for you is pretty simple: you just have to change some habits. Or maybe you will understand that you need some help to get over those worries. They are ruining you love life.

Realize that even if the magic tool to get rid of worries in love have not been invented yet. But the answers that you give to the following question can give you a good idea of how severe your situation is.

Or that you don’t have to sweat about it…

This test is inspired form a book published in 1997. This book, written by Dr Edward M. Hallowell is simply named Worry.

Related article: read the article I can’t find a boyfriend Destroy your doubt now to know how to use visualization to get that positive vibe you need to find your man. 

How to take the test?

“Testing me, testing me, testing me“… John Mayer– Vultures

Take a pen and a pager. If your answer is “not at all”, add 0 to your score; Add 1 point if the answer is “sometimes”. Add 2 points if you say “often”; 3 points if it’s “almost every day”. Some questions are closed questions: you can answer them only with a yes or a no. Add 3 points to your score for every “yes” and 0 for every “no”. Ready? Here we go!

Related article: read the article How To Mend My Broken Heart? 2 solutions To Help You Feel Better now to know why it’s so important to observe your emotions and know yourself

The test

1. Would you like to worry less about your love life?
2. When you think about your love life, do you start to worry about being single forever? How often does it happen in a week?
3. Are you the kind of person who worries about things even if you know that everything is OK in your life in general?
4. Where you a worried child?
5. Do your friends tell you that you worry too much about things?
6. Do your family tell you that you worry too much about things?
7. Do your worries stop you to think about your real situation? Is your judgement affected?
8. Do your worries mess up your vacation, the moments you spend with your friend
9. Do you think often about those times when you have dated a moron? How many times do you think about those guys who have no class?
10. Do you think that men are all liars and just can’t be trusted?
11. Do you think about dying alone?
12. Are you worried about your health to a point where it seems totally irrational (your friend and parent have told you about that tendency)?
13. Have someone told you that your worries are irrational?
14. Do you worry about your finance?
15. How many times have you been paralyzed by worries in your love life (you just couldn’t approach that cute guy even if you have heard that you are totally his type, for instance)?
16. Are you always thinking about what people think about you? “Oh… she’s still single? How come?”
17. How‘s your skin? Here, think about how your body react to your worries. Have you noticed something?
18. Are you so negative that it seems that you have no idea of where to start to get a better love life? So you finally do nothing at all.
19. Do you take alcohol or drugs when you worry about something?
20. Are you totally unable to find something positive when you are worried about your love life?
21. How often do you go back to your bad experience in your love life?
22. Do you worry about the future even if your date goes well. Do you start to think that something may happen and ruin everything?
23. Do you wake up in the night thinking about your sad love life?
24. Do you think that it’s dangerous to be self-confident? That it’s an attitude that can put someone into trouble?
25. Do you procrastinate a lot?
26. Are you shy?
27. Do you feel that everything never goes well when you date of meet a man?
28. Do you feel that something will go wrong when you go out for a date?
29. You see yourself dating a cute guy. What happens when you play a scenario in your head? Are you often pessimist?
30. Let’s say that things are going well with a man. Do you have negating thoughts that cross your mind?
31. How often do you ask yourself if a man is trying to abuse you?
32. Do you think that positive people are superficial?
33. Do people around you describe you as a creative, imaginative woman?
34. Do you have problem to forget a comment that someone have told you?
35. Do you like to establish some reachable objective? Something like this one: in this speed dating event, I will talk to 20 men, no matter what happens”
36. Do you often need someone to feel reassured?
37. Do you often take things out of proportion? A man says something that is no big deal and, suddenly, it seems that the world is about to end.
38. Do you think that if you do not try to control everything, something bad will happen to you? So, in other words, you try to think about every thing that could go wrong in a date to feel more secured.
39. Have you been sexually abused?
40. Now that you are adult, would you describe your youth as an unstable one?
41. Do you have some obsessive habit or thoughts? Tendencies that you can’t control. Do you have panic attacks?
42. Think about your family history. Do you have a parent or a grandparent that was depressed, or had a compulsive trouble?
43. Do you have some health trouble that is the result of your worries, according to your doctor?

The result

OK, the minimum you can have is 0. If that’s your score, then I will say that you must be Buddha or something. I want to meet you!

Now, if you are under 25, you are not excessively worried about your love life even if you are looking for a man. Wonderful.

26-75: well let’s not be worries about that score yet. Yet there is some risk. Just continue to observe your attitude and your reactions. Continue to find ways to lower your stress level.

76-150: the red zone. I would suggest you to consult a professional if you are worried that much about your love life (and maybe about your life in general). There’s nothing wrong with that. The strongest people in the world have needed something some help. Why would you be ashamed to do the same? Worries of that level are dangerous for your body, your mind and your soul. Take care of yourself, lady.

Now you know the next step you will have to make to stop worrying and star dating with a relaxed mind.

Go. And find your amazing man

Love,

Jo Fontaine

XOXO

Listen. I’m not telling you this just to make you feel better.

It doesn’t matter how many times you have asked: “why can’t I get a boyfriend”. The results of your research will never prove that you are a loser. In fact, they just mean that there are some logical reasons why you are still struggling with men.

Period.

Today, I’d like to share with you 2 reasons that explain why a lot of women can’t find a boyfriend or a husband today. You will see that once you know exactly what are those reasons, your life  will become gradually easier; you will  feel less stressed, less needy, less angry.

Men will notice those changes, for sure… So here we go!

Problems 1: you are looking in the wrong place.

This problem is very common. Of course, you have your taste. A certain type of man attracts you more. There is no mistake here; the trouble appears when you start to look for your man in a place where he rarely goes. I will give an example that I’ve seen over and over since I’m a teenager.

Let’s say that you are a Christian; you are looking for a man who has the same values as yours. You want Jesus to be the center of your family. Now, it happens that, you don’t go that often to church. So you start to look for a man who’s from “outside”. You go to the bars, to the clubs; you ask your friends if they know someone.

It’s so complicated to find a life partner, you think…. Sometimes, you feel that you will never find him.

Now, listen.  I don’t say that you will not find a Christian (I mean a practicing catholic or protestant) in a club. If you ask all the dancers on the floor, you will, for sure, find someone who has the same values. But how long it will take?

Related article: 3 Right Places To Find A Man

Solution

People who have Christian values are easy to find. They go to church every Sunday. What I mean, here, is that you will have to go where your kind of man likes to go.

If you are looking for a man of culture, you will have to go to the museum, to the library. You will have to  more often to the concert.

Looking for a successful man? Ask yourself this question: where do I have to go to find a rich man.

Do not forget to join some meetups: for every type of men, you will find a meetup that is designed especially for them.

Now, I can hear you say: “what if what I’m simply looking a man who is interested in marriage”? Well, studies have shown that a lot of men (outside of the traditional Christian world) will start to look for the right one to marry when they feel that they no longer fit with the “dating market”. In another word, they feel that they are getting old. Usually, those men will think that they need to go to the next level: start a family, be more stable. Many of those men are open to marriage.

If you want to be married, start right now to think about the places where you will be able to meet those single men  (or divorced men).

Related article: How to get a man to marry you. Give his sense of freedom

Problem 2:  inner moral problems and fear.

This problem that is not talked about that much.  You know, fear can be your worst enemy. It can totally ruin your chance to seduce the man you want. Fear of rejection;  fear of being stuck with the wrong guy;  fear of letting the right one pass by because you have made the bad choice.

Last week, a man told me that, the lady he has met a couple of months ago has finally decided to stop dating him. Here’s the reason: she just couldn’t turn her back to all the other possibilities. Now, I’m not jugging her. A lot of men do the same.  I will simply say is this: that woman is afraid to do the wrong choice; she not afraid to admit it.

But a lot of women feel the same without thinking about it. Are you one of them? If your answer is yes, I bet that, in the past, you have blown your chances with men a few times. That’s OK. We all have our issues.

Another problem: it’s when you feel a conflict between the way you have been educated and kind of life you want to live. It may seem ridiculous but that problem cause a lot stress your personal life.

A woman told me once that she was looking for a man who will be a good provider. This desire goes against the way she has been raised: a woman should be autonomous and make her own money.

“Anyway, when he will leave you, you will lose all your contacts; you will be no longer in that social environment anymore”, say her friends, and parents

The lady has not realized yet how to deal with this tension she feels inside. She thinks that what she’s looking for is wrong. It’s a kind of “sin” to be a mom at home.

So here she is looking for a different type of man. She’s not really interested in the men she meets. And every time she finds one who is OK, something always happens. End of the relation…

Related article: What If I Never Find A Boyfriend? Dealing With Fear

Solution

The solution is to do your best to notice the kind of conflict that may exist in your mind. It’s so easy to say.

“Good men in New York are all taken. Or they are gay…”

Come on, lady. Tell me about your fear? Be honest. No need to be ashamed. The reason we are on this earth is to get rid of our issues.

One by one…

Be honest.

Conclusion

Remember. If the word is responsible for all your difficulties, it means that there nothing you can do to have a better life. It’s like living is just digging your grave.

It makes me feel great to think that you are a strong woman. I invite you to think about those issues you may have.

My goal of my article is not to talk about the fact that maybe your problem is that you are too picky or maybe that you are always looking for perfection. If that’s the case, I suggest that you ask this question: why am I looking for perfection. Why am I too picky?

Now you know that there’s always a solution to whatever happens in our personal life. That solution is always inside of you.

Look in yourself and go!

Find your amazing man.

Love,

Jo Fontaine

XOXO