3 signs that show that you are trying too much to find a man


Could that be possible? Think about it. How could you try too much? Well, there are 3 sign that will show you that it’s possible. Miss them and you could fall into a trap that will poison your research. Here is what they are.

It’s everywhere

“Work. I can’t wait till it’s time to get to home”Car Wash– Rose Royce

Sometimes, it’s difficult to realize that you are trying too much. This is because of our culture in North America. We have always learned that to realize our dream, we have to work hard. Very hard… Think about the Hollywood movie that shows how that philosophy is deep embedded in our culture.

  • Rudy
  • The pursuit of happiness
  • Rocky

Those movies are great. They all teach that you will have to work hard to pursue your dream. You will have to suffer. Well, this little piece of wisdom may be useful in your professional career; but you may have certain difficulty to apply it in your personal life. You already know what I said in my article Why I Can’t Find A Boyfriend, right? Chemistry needs time; you can’t force people to like you. Sometime, no matter how hard you try, a person will never like you. There’s nothing you can do about.

Let me share with you a story of a lady I know really well. Let’s call her Liza. In her beautiful logical mind (and she’s bright indeed), there is only one way to find the right one: you got to play with the numbers. It means that the more men you meet in a day, the more chance you will find the type of man you are looking for. It’s like selling assurance. The more “no” you get, the closer you get to a “yes”.

OK, Liza, luck as nothing to do with it.

The fastest you want to find mister right, the more you will have to stack the numbers.



#1 It feels like a job

Now let’s pretend that you think just like Liza. Of course, it will be difficult to meet 10 men every day. I mean you see the same colleagues every day and you can’t flirt with your clients… (Right?) If you are not the type of woman who likes to talk to total strangers in the street, one great solution would be to assist to the next speed dating event in your area. Great! Let’s go for that option. Now, how many men can you meet in an evening? Well, it depends on your personality. Oh, you are a bit shy? Well you decide that you will have to push yourself a bit. 10 men seems to be the right number. You will have to reach that number every time you assist a new event. Here’s the pressure coming. You start to feel that

“Love, indeed, is hard work.”

Now hear me. I don’t say that if you decide to use the hard work approach, you will not find your man. One day or another, you will get the result you want. But in this approach, there is so much suffering involved that I ask you this question:

 Is it all worth it?

3 signs that shows that you are trying too much to find a man

#2 It scratches!

Now, Liza is cute, no doubt. But every time she gets a perfect match, something weird happens. The man seems more shy than she is… Hey girl! What about that that guy last week? You know the one with glasses? No… He’s an accountant. And boring like hell… And this… Oh, wait. I heard about him. He’s so broken that every woman he meets wants to run away.

No luck? Maybe. So here’s what Liza decide. She will try even more: more events, more men to meet. For sure, one day, the right one will reveal itself. This is how Liza put more and more pressure on herself. Like she needed that… Just before, she got a promotion (good for you, girl!). Liza is still trying to adjust herself to her new position. She doesn’t want to disappoint her new boss. So she decides to take some classes to improve her skills.

And one day, her body starts to react…

It happens, there, on her left upper arm. In fact, her skin looks a bit weird…

It’s eczema” says the doctor sitting on his chair. He looks at Liza right into her eyes and says: “are you a bit tense ?

A bit? A lot!

A sign that you are doing too much: your body is telling you: “OK I’m fed up?”


3 signs that shows that you are trying too much to find a man


#3 War

“By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread” Genesis 3.19

Sure it may be true for your professional life. But if you bring that mentality in every aspect of your life, trouble may appear in your body and around you. Deep inside, we think that we will have to fight for everything that we want in our life. Love included. Feel all that tension it creates in your body. This is the sign of the aberration of that thinking. Take a hard look to the way you think. Do you feel just like Tomy D’amato in the movie Any Given Sunday: you will have to fight for every inch you get in this life? Well, D’amato had a great career. His life was a mess…


Consider this…

“Consider this.” Losing my religion – R.E.M

You already know that I want to talk to you like just like I talk to my best friend (who happens to be a woman). So I will not tell you to stop doing what you do.  I will just ask you this question: are you constantly trying to fight the odds? Are you trying to force the result? Just try to think about it and slowly, you will create some distance between you and your trouble (yes because you are not your problem. We will talk about it later). See how your body reacts. How your mind is going? If you feel that you are getting tired, you know that it’s time to take it easy.

Do you have any question? Any comments? Please, leave them in the little box below.

Not you know how to know when you are trying too much.

Go and find your amazing man!


Jo Fontaine



One thought on “3 signs that show that you are trying too much to find a man

  1. Hello Jo and thank you for this article. I myself am not a girl but I can talk from I male perspective and give you my take on this. People today are so pressured with having to find their match and just being with someone, instead of being alone, that we often make mistakes getting with wrong people.

    Too much movies, magazing and other media have put this imperative in our minds. I do not like needy girls, and this is something I often felt when I’ve been dating around big holidays.

    It makes me sad to think that someone would use this kind of logic, instead of finding the quality partner that will be connected with you.


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