This is for you, lady
Yes, this article is for you if you say that you just can’t find a boyfriend. Maybe that, right after getting out of bed, trying to enjoy your breakfast, you said in your head:
“I just can’t find a man. It’s unfair.”
So now you try to find the reason. But no explanation helps you to feel better.
The first reason you think about is the one that will say:
“Hey, it’s not you; men are just jerk”.
You get more of those explanations, you recall all your bad experiences and there it is: you are frustrated.
Then, a bit dissipate, you start to say:
“Maybe it’s me…”
Now it really hurts…
No girl. It’s not you…
You start to think that maybe it’s because you are overweight. Sure, it would be easier for you if you just looked like Emma stone, right? But the matter of fact is that many of those beautiful women have their own struggles with men. Think about Jennifer Lawrence. Taylor Swift has talked about her broken heart in many of her songs.
Sure, it helps to be young, attractive, to have a perfect body to be stylish. But those qualities are not enough to be sure that you will find a man and that you will keep it.
That way of thinking is what I call the good old map to love. Only a few people seem to be born to read it and to follow the path. But hey! Look around you. Many men and women have found their love. They are not top models. Some of them are ever far from being beautiful (OK, I’ll say it, they are ugly as sin- now, I said it).
You can even find real beauties getting along with very “ordinary” men.
“Yeah, because they are rich”
OK, but how about rich and successful hunks in couple with “normal” women?
Attractiveness and the rest will follow. Really? It’s not that simple. Old map to love.
The new map
“I got it, Jo. There’s a new map. But what it is?”
Take a guess, lady. What is the quality that is the most asked for in a mate? What is considered the most precious in the love one, no matter in what era you are living, what culture, the country? We already know that it’s not attractiveness and it’s not success (they both, sometimes, scare people away).
It’s not how bright you are.
Well the evolutionary psychologist David Buss after an extensive study started to think that the number one quality that people rate as the most important in a mate is kindness.
Now I see you rolling your eyes, lady… Listen.
First, I do not say that look doesn’t matter. I just say that it has always been a bit overrated. Hot people don’t find love faster than the rest of us. Their love stories don’t last longer.
This is a powerful new.
It means that the more you improve your relationship with people, treating them with kindness, the more you are attractive.
Let’s forget about the extra pounds for a minute, OK? Showing warmth and interest in the man in front you will do more than trying to get a flat belly a week before your next blind date.
OK, I heard you say:
“Kindness… Ugh… I’ve heard that one before”.
Here what I mean by kindness.
Kindness: the new map to love
Speaking with kindness creates confidence. Thinking with kindness creates profoundness. Giving with kindness create love. – Lao Tzu
A lot of people try to be kind because they want to get something. This is not the kind of kindness that Lao Tzu was talking about.
It would be so easy to enumerate a list of things to do and not do. I will rather tell you a real story to make my point.
Patrick feels just great. He is going out with a beautiful woman, Morgan. He though that this moment would never happened. You see, even if I can’t say that Pat is not shy, well got to admit it: he’s very reserved. So, to his big surprise, the first date is a success. It seems that you can hear this couple (oh, they will be in couple for sure) laughing miles away. After a walk in a park, they decide to go to the movies.
The choice is a bad one. In fact, the movie sucks so much that they start to laugh again. Soon, everybody in the room is laughing. A great moment.
Outside, Patrick is hungry.
“Hey, Morgan. There’s a McDonald’s, here. I would just order something to eat. It will take only 10 minutes. Then I take you back home. It’s OK?”
“No problem”, says Morgan.
10 minutes later, they are back in the street, walking and talking. Patrick, with a junior chicken in his hand, is light-hearted. He is so happy that Morgan is by his side. He feels fantastic. A beggar comes near him and asks:
“Do you have some spare change? I’m so hungry”.
Without even thinking about it and smiling, he gives his junior chicken and continues his walk.
Morgan is stunned. She can’t stop looking at Patrick, walking like nothing happened. The beggar holds the burger and tries to understand what going on.
This is the kindness I’m talking about.
Strive to have that kind of kindness, that kind of state of mind. The one that make you act in a certain way because you feel great inside.
You don’t have to follow a complicated list of recommendations to be kind to your next date. They are many ways to be sweet with yourself. Practice this art and you will start to act in a way that will amaze your man.
This will happen without even thinking about it.
You know what? Real kindness is an expression. This is how you express yourself in front of people when you feel more and more in harmony with yourself.
This is something that you will have to build inside of you. In the last months, I have written some articles for you. The goal is to explain how important it is to feel better inside so people can profit of your positive vibe. Of course, you can read again the tips in your copy of the eBook conversation chemistry that will help you to develop that sweet and kind person that you are meant to be.
Do you have any question, any comments? Share them with us in the little box below.
Build yourself, girl. It pays.
Now you know what you have to do, right?
Go and find your amazing man.