OK, you already have a boyfriend. Or maybe that you don’t have one right now. But, still, that question rings in your head over and over. How do you get a man to commit to marriage? Well, lady, this question is just like asking this:
“How do you motivate someone?”
My answer is this: girl, you can’t. What a person can do, though, is to motivate himself or herself.
“But, Jo, what can I do. I want to be married”.
I hear you. Sure you can force him to marry you. You can give him a deadline.
“It’s the ring, darling or I’m leaving!”
Hummm, this is not really what I call motivation. It can work though if he’s afraid or insecure enough (If he wants to marry you, there’s no problem at all: he will just say “yes”)…
But there is some good news. If you can’t motivate a man to marry you, you can prepare the ground so your man starts to thinking about marriage in a positive way. Yep! Have fun with your friends while he’s doing all the work of persuading himself.
Anyways, we, men, think about marriage a lot!
#1 Happy balance
What makes you attractive? Of course there’s your personality. There’s you look (but remember on this planet every man has a different taste). It’s how elegant, intelligent you are. And finally it’s how balanced you are.
I mean by that how you manage your distance with the man you love. Sure you want to be with your man. You want him to think about you. Always. Well be assured of one thing. If that man loves you, he will think a lot about you, guaranteed. Do not worry about it.
But a man is afraid of one thing: he doesn’t want that what happened to one of his friends happens to him: his moment his couple got serious, the moment he got married, he started to lose his friends. Of course! How can you keep his buddies if you never see them? So, now…
“…He’s doing time. The only person he sees is his wife or her friends.”
This is the number one reason that explains why a lot of men do not commit: he fears of being in J-A-I-L.
Again, the good news is that it’s pretty easy to break that fear.
All you have to do is to balance the moments when you are with your man and when you are on your own. Be affectionate with your sweety when you are with him. Then take reserve sometime for yourself. Be good with yourself. Take some time to relax, to see your friends, your family. Have fun. Your man will certainly feel that positive vibe when he will hold you in his arm, the next time you see him. That’s a wonderful gift you can give to him: the happy-you. The best-you that can exist.
Taking some time for you is at the same time giving sometime for your man to see his friends. Everybody wins. Now, tell me. How can he start to make the connection: living with her= jail?
That’s how you start to mess up his fear.
Want to make a home run? The next time he had fun with his friends say this:
“I’m so happy that you had fun with your friends. You look so happy. So are so sexy when you are happy.”
Fear? What is fear? Not only he will notice that you give some value to his friends but, at the same time he will want to go back to you to show you how sexy he’s happy. He will have the feeling that he wins everywhere. He will feel that he has some space (more about giving him a sense of freedom in the article How to get a man to marry you Give his sense of freedom).
You know, as a matter of fact, you are both winner. Right?
Men are not your project
“Look at him, now… He used to ride with his bike and, from time to time, drink beers with his pals. But her wife never liked it. Now, he sold his bike, stay at home like a good puppy, dress exactly like she wants him too… I’ll never get in that trap”.
Emasculation. Every man has seen it at least once. Many have realized (too lake) that this is what they are living.
I don’t write to judge anybody here (even if I tend to say that this is more the men’s fault).
Emasculation is the other aspect of the fear men have: living with you can mean losing liberty. You get your personality crushed down. This is one of his issues and you know what? He will have to deal with it soon or later.
But on your side, realize this: men are not your project.
Yeah, lady, I know that you think that nagging him and criticize him so he makes some changes is a sign of affection. You want him to eat well. You want him to dress better, to behave better, etc.
“Boy, I hate that lousy T shirt. Why doesn’t he get rid of it?”
A man will never see those critics has a sign of affection. This is, for him, not only annoying. It means that your opinion, your desire, your taste is more important than his. It means that the reason you choose him was not the good one. All you wanted was something to work on. Like a house you wanted to fix up.
Man, this is pure hell...
The idea of living that world of pain (the one where you lose your personality piece by piece) will make him want to run away the day he hears the word “commitment” or “marriage”.
The solution is quite simple even if it may be difficult for some of you, ladies. It looks like the first one above: live and let live.
Do you remember why you choose him at the first place? Was it because you said to yourself:
“That guy is so sweet! I want him, I want him.”
Or, did you say in one way or another:
“Hum… He’s cool. And I can do something interesting with him”.
In the first case, try to remember why you felt in love with him. At that time you didn’t want him to change your way. He was just perfect with his personality, his flaws, and his clumsiness. It was so cute!
Respect his personality. It will pay.
Make him think about you
Do you want to play the authoritative Mother figure or the great girl friend he loves to be with? You choose. Your decision may have a great impact on the future of your couple
Imagine. He feels that he is not in jail. He still feels that freshness that only freedom can give. But how come? He’s in couple. Is that possible? Yes, it seems… But only with her… Boy…
“It would be such a bad thing to marry her… It almost looks like a fun idea…”
And voilà! He’s ready to talk about commitment, and even marriage.
He has persuaded himself.
Because you are such a wonderful girlfriend.
Do you have comments? Do you have a question? Share your thoughts with us in the little box below.
Take care of you. Take care of the one you love.
Now go. See you later, girl!